Hic Sunt Dracones

the smylere with the knyf under the cloke

1-800-MY-APPLE

Newly redesigned apple website with better user interface.

www.apple.com_mac_resize

Charcoal Grey is the new Brushed Metal. Remember when “Unified” toolbars is the new Brushed Metal and Brushed Metal is the new Aqua?

The iTunes 5 Announcement From the Perspective of an Anthropomorphized Brushed Metal User Interface Theme

Tuesday, 7 September 2005, 9:30 AM Pacific

A Lexus SC 430 convertible speeds down a sunny street in Cupertino. The top is down. Brushed Metal is behind the wheel, stabbing at the buttons on his mobile phone.

We hear the connection ringing. Brushed Metal’s agent, Mike, answers.

Mike: B.M. Speak to me, baby.

Brushed Metal: Don’t bullshit me, Mike. What’s going on?

Mike: What do you mean?

Brushed Metal: What do you think I mean? The Special Event. It starts in 30 minutes and no one has called me yet. I’ve been calling Steve’s office all morning, they won’t take my calls. Are they yanking iTunes 5?

Mike: Uh…

Brushed Metal: No? iTunes 5 is still on? Then why the fuck am I not there?

Mike: B.M., calm down.

Brushed Metal: Stop calling me “B.M.”

Mike: They’ve gone with someone else for iTunes 5. I thought you knew.

Brushed Metal: You’re my agent. How the fuck am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?

Mike: This is not a big deal, Brushed.

Brushed Metal: How can you say this is not a big deal? It’s fucking iTunes! The most popular app in the world. It runs on Windows. Windows! Fuckfuckfuck!

Mike:

Brushed Metal: This has got to be a mistake of some sort. Someone just forgot to call us. You’ve got to get me Steve on the phone, Mike.

Mike: It’s not a mistake, Brushed. Trust me.

Brushed Metal: Whatever happened to “Once you go metal, you never go back?”

Mike: Times change, my friend.

[Continue at Daring Fireball]

SPOILER:

We hear the click as Mike hangs up. Brushed Metal throws his phone into the passenger side door. He punches the padded center of his steering wheel.

A few seconds later, the phone rings. Brushed Metal picks it off the passenger seat and looks at the caller ID. It reads: AQUA. Brushed Metal takes the call.

Brushed Metal: What do you want?

(It’s not yet 10 a.m., but Aqua is drunk.)

Aqua: Howdya fuckin’ like it now, bee-yotch? WHOO HOO!

Brushed Metal: Fuck you, Aqua.

Aqua: WHOOO!

Cut to black.

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Written by cthulhu

June 12, 2007 at 7:32 am

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