Hic Sunt Dracones

the smylere with the knyf under the cloke

Posts Tagged ‘humour

The C(thulhu) Programming Language

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And yet I saw them in a limitless stream– flopping, hopping, croaking, bleating– sorting themselves inhumanly through the spectral moonlight in a grotesque, malignant saraband of fantastic nightmare. Their croaking, baying voices called out in the hideous language of the Old Ones:

      void Rlyeh
      (int mene[], int wgah, int nagl) {
      int Ia, fhtagn;
      if (wgah>=nagl) return;
      swap (mene,wgah,(wgah+nagl)/2);
      fhtagn = wgah;
      for (Ia=wgah+1; Ia<=nagl; Ia++)
      if (mene[Ia]<mene[wgah])
      swap (mene,++fhtagn,Ia);
      swap (mene,wgah,fhtagn);
      Rlyeh (mene,wgah,fhtagn-1);
      Rlyeh (mene,fhtagn+1,nagl);

      } // PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU!

Source: Boing Boing – If HP Lovecraft wrote C manuals

/dev/null/cthulhu

/endoflife

Written by cthulhu

January 30, 2010 at 9:48 pm

If the Winds Rage, Doth Not the Sea Wax Mad

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“Puggy’s bathos is apropos, quite a pathos-etic she is. I pity my placid mental faculty and lauding her lucid elucidatory discernment. She’s the next un-Terran Jehovah personification. Praise her for she will JUDGE you on this realm of sanctity.”

I thought this aging shout-out in the other universe of far, far away only rings true to certain type of aliens that I (regret) happened to meet.

Today after 1, 2, 3, 4 years with the fictionalised deus ex machina, I realised how “apropos” the shout-out closer to home. Homing down to the (pug)ilistic and temperamental nature of the fictitious Bantha.

Felicity isn’t tenacious to the shaggy fur of hirsute animosity.

The bathos effect (abrupt change to ordinary style: in writing or speech, a sudden descent in style or manner from the elevated or sublime to the commonplace, producing a ludicrous effect) is aesthetic only to the lapping parasite of arid waste inside the hairy monstrosity.

In this (false) realm of (fictional) sanctity, the nasal grunting personify like the nature of acerbic echo in the middle of the cavernous dune.

Hearing Tuskens ululating “laodicean” never been so apt.

+++

This write-up is an homage to Star Wars and Kavya Shivashankar of the 82nd annual Scripps National Spelling Bee winner. Kudos for her “composed” sang-froid! Don’t go cuckoo, yeah?

Syurga Nekros

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Prologue: I’m Syurga. 

1.

I live.

2.

I found faith.

3.

I lose faith.

4.

I found Sci-Fi channel.

5.

I blog.

6.

I lose virginity.

7.

I blog about losing virginity.

8.

I found humour. Try being funny to compensate with the superficial grasp of metaphysics or even physics.

9.

Life is fun.

10.

Death?

Epilogue: I’m Nekros.

+++

Annotation: This is a parody.

Written by cthulhu

February 12, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Siapa Babi Negara?

Say Goodnight Grace

Say Goodnight Grace

If only the Parliament is as funny as the Pearls Before Swine comic strip.

Ah, wait.

It is.

Only less witty.

Deepak Colundalur Ananthapadmanabha

Dee-pak

Col-un-da-lur

A-nan-tha-pad-man-ab-ha

Deepak has often described himself as “The Indian Jon Stewart” if Jon Stewart was genetically combined with Gizmodo, Wikipedia and an Indian guy. If you let him, Deepak will enlighten you, if you listen, Deepak will upgrade your knowledge like a newly-released Service Pack at sundown.

Now, if only you could spell his name.

Written by cthulhu

May 31, 2008 at 5:47 pm

The Cake Is a Lie

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The Cake Is a Lie

If you ever came across the Portal™ game inside The Orange Box, you’ll notice there’s a lot of reference to cake and a poetry reference to both Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Emily Dickinson — which in fact is a parody.

As I’m still in the spirit of “doing the Hudson”re-Hudson or de-Hudson. Here’s a bite in the patois cake.

i.

Si Malaikat Maut dan Kuntuman Bunga
by Cthulhu

Bukan dengan kejam, lagi amarah,
Si malaikat maut datang pada hari itu;
Tapi bagaikan malaikat dari syurga ke muka bumi,
Memetik bunga jauh ke hati.

Note: It’s hard to differentiate between Angel of Death and Archangel in malay term. I used “memetik bunga jauh ke hati” since it has the symbolism of affection, instead of “jauh lari”.

The Reaper and the Flowers
parodied in Portal™

Not in cruelty
Not in wrath
The REAPER came today
An ANGEL visited
this gray path
And took the cube away.

The Reaper and the Flowers
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

O, not in cruelty, not in wrath,
The Reaper came that day;
‘T was an angel visited the green earth,
And took the flowers away.

ii.

Kerana saya tidak dapat menahan Malaikat Maut
by Cthulhu

Kerana saya tidak dapat menahan Malaikat Maut —
Dia dengan baik hati berhenti untuk saya —
Hanya kami berdua di dalam Kereta Kuda —
Dan keabadian.

Note: “Keabadian” instead of “kebaqaan”, the former is a proper noun for us mortal, while the latter for divinity. “Kereta Kuda”? Hahaha.

Because I could not stop for Death
parodied in Portal™

Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me
The cube had food and maybe ammo
And immortality

Because I could not stop for Death
by Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death —
He kindly stopped for me —
The Carriage held but just Ourselves —
And Immortality.

Morbid, no?

By the by, I prefer this version of re-Hudson Cake (by Roger McGough):

Kek Coklat
by Rem

aku mahu satu hayat
engkau mahu satu lagi
sama-sama kita tak dapat
kita pun saling berkongsi diri.

Compared with this:

Kek Coklat
by Natasha Hudson

Saya mahu satu kehidupan,
Kamu mahu sesuatu yang lain,
Kita tidak dapat makan kek coklat,
Jadi kita makan sesama diri.

Cake
by Roger McGough

i wanted one life
you wanted another
we couldn’t have our cake
so we ate each other.

I think I’m having a sugar crash.

+++

Quotable Portal™:

  • “Quit now and – CAKE – will be served immediately.”
  • Cake, and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.”
  • “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.” (subtitles say: “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked [garbled] cake.”)
  • “OK, the test is over now. You win! Go back to the recovery annex for your cake!”
  • “Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.”
  • “I’m not kidding now. Turn back or I WILL kill you… I’m going to kill you, and all the cake is gone, you don’t even care, do you?”
  • “Who’s going to make the cake when I’m gone? You?
  • Cake Sphere: “One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix. One can prepared coconut pecan frosting. Three slash four cup vegetable oil. Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. Three slash four cups butter or margarine. One and two third cups granulated sugar. Two cups all purpose flour. Don’t forget garnishes such as: Fish shaped crackers. Fish shaped candies. Fish shaped solid waste. Fish shaped dirt. Fish shaped ethyl benzene. Pull and peel licorice. Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment. Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish. One cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resins. Fiberglass surface resins. And volatile malted milk impoundments. Nine large egg yolks. Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar. An entry called ‘how to kill someone with your bare hands.’ Two cups rhubarb, sliced. Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb. One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. Two tablespoons rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.”
  • “The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie.”
  • “The weighted companion cube DOES speak. Superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. I’m not hallucinating. You are. The companion cube would never desert me. Dessert. So long… Cake. Ha ha, Cake. A lie. The companion cube would never lie to me. NEVER.”

+++

Portal™ – End Game:

Portal™ – Credits Song, Jonathan Coulton – “Still Alive”:

I Survived Cancer

I Survived Cancer

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

William Congreve (1670–1729), English playwright and poet. The Mourning Bride.

Oh, yeah…

…and she’s totally hot (on the MRI).

+++

She’s a cancer.

Feeding on my soul.

Written by cthulhu

December 11, 2007 at 6:38 am