Hic Sunt Dracones

the smylere with the knyf under the cloke

Posts Tagged ‘morbid

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes

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It was 1998. During my second reading of Watchmen, I finally concurred that the most defining moment in Watchmen graphic novel is at Chapter VI – The Abyss Gazes Also.

The Rorschach test.

What can you see?

As Dr. Maclom asked Walter Joseph Kovacs a.k.a Rorschach.


Stood in street. Watched it burn.

Imagined limbless felt torsos inside; breasts blackening; bellies smoldering; bursting into flame one by one.

Watched for an hour.

Nobody got out.

Stood in firelight, sweltering. Blood stain on chest like map of violent new continent.

Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night.

Looked at sky through smokeheavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever, and we are alone.

Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later.

Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves ; go into oblivion.

There is nothing else.

Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long.

This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs.

It’s us.

Only us.

Street stanks of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them.

Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world.

Was Rorschach.

Does that answer your questions, doctor?


[Dinner didn’t go very well.]

Randy: So, Mal, how are things going with this famous masked maniac of yours?

Diana: Oh, yes, tell us. Has he told you anything weird or kinky yet?

Dr. Malcom: Yes. Yes, he has. Today he told me about a girl who got kidnapped.

Diana: Look, maybe this isn’t such a good idea right now…

Randy: Oh, boy! Was she tied up and gagged and helpless?

Gloria: RAN-DEE!

Dr. Malcom: No. She was six. Her abductor killed her, butchered her and fed her to his German Shepherds.



We are alone.

There is nothing else.

Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster,
and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844–1900), German philosopher and poet.

The Cake Is a Lie

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The Cake Is a Lie

If you ever came across the Portal™ game inside The Orange Box, you’ll notice there’s a lot of reference to cake and a poetry reference to both Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Emily Dickinson — which in fact is a parody.

As I’m still in the spirit of “doing the Hudson”re-Hudson or de-Hudson. Here’s a bite in the patois cake.


Si Malaikat Maut dan Kuntuman Bunga
by Cthulhu

Bukan dengan kejam, lagi amarah,
Si malaikat maut datang pada hari itu;
Tapi bagaikan malaikat dari syurga ke muka bumi,
Memetik bunga jauh ke hati.

Note: It’s hard to differentiate between Angel of Death and Archangel in malay term. I used “memetik bunga jauh ke hati” since it has the symbolism of affection, instead of “jauh lari”.

The Reaper and the Flowers
parodied in Portal™

Not in cruelty
Not in wrath
The REAPER came today
An ANGEL visited
this gray path
And took the cube away.

The Reaper and the Flowers
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

O, not in cruelty, not in wrath,
The Reaper came that day;
‘T was an angel visited the green earth,
And took the flowers away.


Kerana saya tidak dapat menahan Malaikat Maut
by Cthulhu

Kerana saya tidak dapat menahan Malaikat Maut —
Dia dengan baik hati berhenti untuk saya —
Hanya kami berdua di dalam Kereta Kuda —
Dan keabadian.

Note: “Keabadian” instead of “kebaqaan”, the former is a proper noun for us mortal, while the latter for divinity. “Kereta Kuda”? Hahaha.

Because I could not stop for Death
parodied in Portal™

Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me
The cube had food and maybe ammo
And immortality

Because I could not stop for Death
by Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death —
He kindly stopped for me —
The Carriage held but just Ourselves —
And Immortality.

Morbid, no?

By the by, I prefer this version of re-Hudson Cake (by Roger McGough):

Kek Coklat
by Rem

aku mahu satu hayat
engkau mahu satu lagi
sama-sama kita tak dapat
kita pun saling berkongsi diri.

Compared with this:

Kek Coklat
by Natasha Hudson

Saya mahu satu kehidupan,
Kamu mahu sesuatu yang lain,
Kita tidak dapat makan kek coklat,
Jadi kita makan sesama diri.

by Roger McGough

i wanted one life
you wanted another
we couldn’t have our cake
so we ate each other.

I think I’m having a sugar crash.


Quotable Portal™:

  • “Quit now and – CAKE – will be served immediately.”
  • Cake, and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.”
  • “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.” (subtitles say: “The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked [garbled] cake.”)
  • “OK, the test is over now. You win! Go back to the recovery annex for your cake!”
  • “Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.”
  • “I’m not kidding now. Turn back or I WILL kill you… I’m going to kill you, and all the cake is gone, you don’t even care, do you?”
  • “Who’s going to make the cake when I’m gone? You?
  • Cake Sphere: “One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix. One can prepared coconut pecan frosting. Three slash four cup vegetable oil. Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. Three slash four cups butter or margarine. One and two third cups granulated sugar. Two cups all purpose flour. Don’t forget garnishes such as: Fish shaped crackers. Fish shaped candies. Fish shaped solid waste. Fish shaped dirt. Fish shaped ethyl benzene. Pull and peel licorice. Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment. Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish. One cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resins. Fiberglass surface resins. And volatile malted milk impoundments. Nine large egg yolks. Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar. An entry called ‘how to kill someone with your bare hands.’ Two cups rhubarb, sliced. Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb. One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. Two tablespoons rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.”
  • “The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie.”
  • “The weighted companion cube DOES speak. Superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. I’m not hallucinating. You are. The companion cube would never desert me. Dessert. So long… Cake. Ha ha, Cake. A lie. The companion cube would never lie to me. NEVER.”


Portal™ – End Game:

Portal™ – Credits Song, Jonathan Coulton – “Still Alive”:

FreeAgent™ of Moribund Psyche

A programmer f[r]iend scribbled this to me:

#!/usr/local/bin/ruby -w
# vim:sw=2 ts=8:et sta:fdm=marker

# mutator is setter
# understand this then you’ll
# understand the true concept of life

Well, in an ongoing effort to combat my lying problem, my therapist suggested that I start by writing just one truthful sentence to just anybody that i know or barely know. You know what they say: The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Well, here goes:

“F[uck], you are a depressed mofo. Neither anti-depressant nor shrink can help you. Suicide is the only answer for you. Just go and stab your big rounded belly with a spoon.”

P.S.: Just before you going to kill yourself, go get one nice blowjob. I don’t want you to die with a not-knowing feelings.


A morbid reply:

Suicide is tempting.

On New Year Eve, as I waited at the ERL station, the PA system reminding of the incoming Express Train that sped in full throttle to its destination. My body seemed to float itself beyond the yellow line, defying gravity with my obese mind of turbidity. It’s not death that I saw, but a fleeting flash of physical detachment. The soul didn’t soar, but shredded by the reality of the colliding physics between the transition world of mortal and the endless.

In the Airside Transit Hotel, I spent a night there as I feel like — quoting yours — “stabbing my big rounded belly with a spoon”. It’s my sanctum sanctorum. It’s therapeutic travelling in the ERL. Lounging at Alamanda, situated a Precint away from the Putrajaya station. I check-in later at KLIA for a night of catharsis.

The late Kisho Kurokawa (1934 – 2007) rendered the work of a Metabolist on KLIA that resembled Will Wright’s SimCity Arcologies.

Organic spatial growth.

The tattered soul rested there ephemerally as the night train arrived.

P.S.: I know, anally.


I think diving is cheaper than this sort of getaway. 2-3 dives in Pulau Perhentian only cost me RM90 per dive.

Express Rail Link: RM70 for return ticket
Airside Transit Hotel: RM140 for (6) hours (1 block)
English Breakfast: RM50
Starbucks Coffee: RM15
Hershey’s Chocolate: RM50


And to think I was about to buy a new external hard disk today:

3.5″ Seagate FreeAgent™ Pro 320GB (7200RPM)


2.5″ Seagate FreeAgent™ Go 120GB (5400RPM)


Since my Maxtor One Touch II 250GB started to make some awful noise nowadays (more like Harpy than Siren). I need another backup storage(s). One in-situ, another, mobile.

FYI, Seagate Technology acquired Maxtor Corporation in 2006 (My warranty ended on the same date, talk about irony).

Hopefully it’s a better make than the loser company :P